Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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