whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
