P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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