Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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