billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
