Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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