You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
