Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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