Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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