Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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