there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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