last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
