I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
