brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
