Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Boobs are out for the taking
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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