hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
