I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
