U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
if only i could text you this smell
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
