Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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