you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize