Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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