i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize