the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Randomize
