That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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