Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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