So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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