i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
