Sponge bath it is.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
