Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Randomize
