Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize