no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
