Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
