Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
