Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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