Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
