i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
