Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Even my vagina gasped.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
