I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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