I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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