I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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