I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
