he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Less talking, more tequila
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
