dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
