do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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