I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize