everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
