Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
