worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
