The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
