The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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