I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Randomize
