I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
