Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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