ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
