Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼‍♀️
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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