you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
