Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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