the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
