did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Randomize