Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Terrible idea I love it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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