So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize