I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize