I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i dont even know how to be here
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
